Chapter One Of Five Chapters

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Grandville Animals proudly presents the American Animaux Presidential Election!

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Starring Trump Peacock of the Dumbo Party

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and Hillary Lioness of the Donkey Party

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and a metamorphosis cast of the famous and/or infamous!

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Hey! Remember me! I am Johnson Hippo of the Libertarian Party! Why do you always forget about me?

Johnson Hippo

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Ignore him!

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Where is my picture?

Johnson Hippo

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Ignore him!

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I want my picture!

Johnson Hippo

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Johnson Hippo!  Are you satisfied now?

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Couldn’t you have found a more flattering pic of me?

Johnson Hippo

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No! You are a hippo! Let me continue!

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Who are you anyway?

Johnson Hippo

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I am the  narrator of Grandville’s Animals!

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Why don’t you have a pic?

Johnson Hippo

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Because narrators don’t have pics! We are neutral!

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How do I know you are neutral if you don’t have a pic?

Johnson Hippo

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Let me continue!

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You are The Illustrious if utterly boring Beetle aren’t you?

Johnson Hippo

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Isn’t this your pic?

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That is a very misleading pic! Let me continue!

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All right but you could have found a more flattering pic of me? And made it bigger?

Johnson Hippo

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The Dumbo Party election plank: We need to rebuild our military!

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The Donkey Party election plank: Free all prisoners and jail the police and then redistribute all wealth from the rich to the poor!

003

Register to vote here! And remember the Donkey Party motto: vote early & vote often!

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Register to vote here for the Sheeple Party! Ignorance is the greatest virtue of patriots!

Mr Fox

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I thought you were hanged Mr Fox?

Grumpy King Parrot

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That was my evil twin.

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See! I even save damsels in distress!

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Are you implying that there is a difference?

Grumpy King Parrot

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I am the good twin!

Mr Fox

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That is the problem. There is no difference between either you & your evil twin or the establishment parties in this election.

Grumpy King Parrot

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I cede you the ground that both establishment parties are the incarnation of establishment animosity toward the populist Animaux.

Mr Fox

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The American Animaux Presidential Election is coming! 60 days and counting!

007
As the Ex-Speaker I don’t have to agree with everything everyone says anymore. So F*#%@ off! This whole election is Sh#%! And Cruz Auk is still Lucifer Incarnate!

Boehner Chameleon

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Want a little pay to play?

The Clinton Foundation Ferret
Don’t mind if I do.

Billionaire Beaver

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The internet trolls reduce the level of debate to a zoo.

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But only after I was called a humanphobic, insectphobic, xenophobic, racist, bigoted, sexist, fascist, nazi, ignorant, uneducated, lower class, red neck green frog!

Pepe

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Prepare for an October Surprise!

Assange Parrot

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That parrot can’t keep a secret.

Mr Fox

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Parrots repeat everything everyone says! That is what parrots do!

Assange Parrot

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I don’t!

Grumpy King Parrot.

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No. You are too grumpy.

Mr Fox

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When Assange Parrot was attacking Dumbos the Donkeys loved him. Now that he is attacking Hillary Lioness they hate him.

Grumpy King Parrot

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Assange did say that Hillary Lioness was a demon.

Mr Fox

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But only after someone sent an assassin to his embassy lair.

Grumpy King Parrot

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I have asked Huffington Post Pelican and Breitbart Boar to create headlines to confuse & alienate everyone.

Mr Fox

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The birds of the ‘neutral’ 4th Estate discuss their editorial responsibilities. Translation: Shill for Hill!

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The Industrious Historian Mr. Fly documents the American Animaux Presidential election. But afterwards no one will want to read it.

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Newspaper vendors hand out their wares. No wonder newspapers are obsolete!

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That is why I only read social media.

Jack Duck

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The 4th Estate at work.

Jorge says we should not be objective. Bias is good! And Paste is yummy!
No wonder only 23% of the public trusts the Lying Press.

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Mrs. Bachmann Magpie is maintaining her political blog but everyone has already forgotten her.

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I am still waiting for my trickle down crumbs!

Mrs Birdy

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Don’t tell her Reagan Bull Dog is dead.

Mr. Fox

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I am a proud 4th generation Donkey Party voter. So why is everything worse off now?

Old Hare

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Don’t even think about abandoning the Donkey Party Plantation!

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Mustering out the vote for [insert name here] Fox & Hare News.

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Whose name will appear for your shill?

Mr. Fox

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Whoever pays to play!

Fox & Hare News.

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$$$$$

Hillary Lioness

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Shill for Hill!

Fox & Hare News.

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I thought the press was suppose to be neutral?

Mr Fox

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I am as disgusted by this as you are! Personally I support Trump!

Hannity Hare.

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I am with her —-for a cut of the pay for play!

Retired Dog

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I might be retired from a lifetime of knavery but I still smell graft! But enough with waxing nostalgic! Did you know the Clinton Foundation gives only 10% to actual charity & keeps the rest for ‘expenses’? 204-old-dog-close-up

Retired Dog

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Some of which I suspect will end up in your pocket!

Mr Fox

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How did you guess?

Retired Dog.

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The global elite at play. Thankfully corporations and banks are picking the next president.

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I thought this was a democratic election?

Mr. Fox

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Pay to play!

Grumpy King Parrot

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I have already bought the president for 140 million! I am with her because she is FOR ME!

Koch Vulture

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Can I have the crumbs?

Craven Hare

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I can’t decide which side to crow for!

Glenn Beck Rooster

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You will be at the back of the queue for TTIP unless you capitulate to the EU and me!

Obama Rooster.
Bollocks! Accept it! Brexit happened!

Old British Bulldog

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We must lecture the stupid voters how to be politically correct!

The Establishment Elite

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Translation: vote for the bought and paid for Establishment candidate!
When did the voters have to be browbeaten against voting for populists who actually want to represent them instead of the establishment elite?

Mr Fox

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I warned everyone Quackcare wouldn’t work! Death spiral anyone?

The Medical Industry

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Quackcare: How to become an incompetent monopoly which kills people.

Dr. Raven of Animauxland Insurance

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You should be ashamed of yourself Breitbart Boar! you don’t deserve to exist!

Hillary Lioness

Grandville Metamorphoses du jour

Grandville Metamorphoses du jourBollocks! Breitbart Boar 317

Bollocks!

Breitbart Boar

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But the headlines are mine!

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat.

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Then you don’t deserve to exist!

Hillary Lioness

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But am I not one of your Donkey Party Plantation minorities?

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat

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You can’t be!

Hillary Lioness

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Fabulously Flamboyantly Gay! And purring perfect!

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat
I Milo the Fabulously Flamboyant Cat introduce myself to the world’s stage!

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat

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But you are everything the Donkey Party loathes!
You are a [gasp] conservative millennial!
You call Trump Peacock ‘Daddy’!
You work for Breitbart Boar!
And you refuse to vote for me!
You basket of deplorables! You [insert insult here] Brexit Brit!

Hillary Lioness

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Purrrrrr!

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat

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But your headlines are disgusting you basket of deplorables!

Hillary Lioness

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What is wrong with my headlines?

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat

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‘Would you rather your child had feminism or cancer?’

Hillary Lioness

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So are Huffington Sparrow headlines any better?
‘White people should be banned from doing yoga’
‘The dirty lie that all lives matter’
‘I am a pedophile but I mean well’
I’m a pedophile but your are the monster, my week with the vile Alt Right Hate Machine’
‘We brought this on ourselves:
New York Twin Towers bombing (twice)
London Underground bombing
Madrid train bombing
Paris bombings
Brussels bombings
Nice bombing
Catholic church beheading
German terror attacks
Orlando massacre
Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat

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Yeah!

Breitbart Boar

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Breitbart Boar! You loathsome [insert insult here]! You don’t have a right to exist! And that goes for your bit@# of a cat too!

Hillary Lioness

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Purrrrr!

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat
Meanwhile: Are the American Animaux Insects plotting something Hive Keeper?

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Can we trust the Animauxland Insects?

Animauxland Homeland Security Bureau.
Of course! See all of the happy Insects!

Hive Keeper

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Headlines! The American Animaux Insects are plotting to wage Insect – Terrorism!

The Drudge American Animaux Report.

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I am still hunting for wedge issues.

Joe Wash Owl

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I definitely spot an infestation of pay to play!
Hear ye! Hear ye! You only have two more months to lay your tribute at the feet of Hillary Lioness! And Barnicle Pelican says the Clinton Foundation is fast tracking all pay for play tribute too!

Morning Joe.

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Jail her!

Breitbart Boar

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You don’t deserve to exist you [insert insult here] basket of deplorables!

Hillary Lioness

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The Military Industrial Complex Crocodiles are still feasting off the Body Public

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Don’t you just love corporate welfare!

Mr Fox

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No! I don’t! This obscenity is why the Public is turning against both establishment parties!

Grumpy King Parrot

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Don’t worry! I am creating a backfire against the populist ground swell!

Koch Crocodile

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But I thought you were a Libertarian?

Mr Fox

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I am a globalist crony corporatism capitalist new world order S O B just like everyone else!

Koch Crocodile

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Well I confess the corpse of Joe Public sprawled at your feet is a dead giveaway!

Mr Fox

 

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Meanwhile, the American Animauxland Insects bury the Hive Keeper. And with the Hive Keeper is buried the myth of insect ‘moderates’.

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The American Animauxland Insects plot their master plan but everyone is too busy ranting about Kaepernick Kipper to notice.

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The American Animauxland Insects embrace the Divine Slavery of the Blessed Hive

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Translation: Insect – Terrorism!

Mr Fox

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Remove that hyphen! You racist bigoted Insectophobe!
Ditto a basket of deplorables! You don’t have a right to exist!

Hillary Lioness

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Why not save everyone time by limiting your juvenile name calling to[ insert insult here]! And it is not Insectophobia if they really want to kill you!

Mr Fox

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The Huffington Sparrow Post searches for any rational reason to Shill for Hill — but can’t find any.

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Keep your hands off my Medicare you commie cad!

Ron Paul Wolf

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No Dad! That is so old school! Via the Libertarian Identitarians!

Rand Paul Wolf

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Eh? Ron Paul Wolf

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The Libertarian Identitarians are the millennial hip thing Dad!         Rand Paul Wolf 061-ron-paul-libertarian-wolf
We Libertarian Wolves will never be hip!.Johnson is just a hippo wimp!

Ron Paul Wolf

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Why is everyone so mean to me?

Johnson Hippo

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Because you are just a damn fool hippo without the Donkey ears!

Ron Paul Wolf

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The General of the American Animaux Army Ants pow pows with the leader with the least brains. I need a better mastermind!

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‘Democracy, freedom, & rule of law, for us these words have absolutely no value any longer!’

Erdogen Insect to the Divine Slavery of the Blessed Hive.

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Mrs. Palin Wolf plots her return to power.

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The Libertarian Wolves invite the Green Party Sheeple to front for them to woo the Bernie lambs.

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Boy will the Bernie lambs get disillusioned really fast! As in eaten!

Mr Fox

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The Bernie Socialistic Utopia.

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The reality would be very different.

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Capitalistic utopia for me is every worker enjoying the fruits of their honest labors!

Mr. Smith Hume Ricardo Hare.

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Cruz Auk is still looking for his worshipers.

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Grand Old Party Booby Penguin explains the hard facts:
your 15 minutes of fame are past!

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But I want to be King of the Dumbo Party!

Cruz Auk

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Where are my old sycophants? I miss the good old days!

Cruz Auk

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When you shut down the government?

Mr Fox

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No one wants me!

Cruz Auk
Don’t worry dear! We Auks still love you!

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The American Animaux Insects plot their plot to take over American Animauxland. The Praying Mantis prays for a miracle.

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I am worried about this election. Animauxland is going in the wrong direction but no leader has a compass or map.

Main Street Toad.

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But they are too arrogant to admit that!

Mr Fox

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Granville Pepe awakes!

Basket of Deplorables eh! [insert insult here] eh! Hillary Lioness! You are about to rue the day you woke the Alt Right Trolls!

Pepe

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Rubio Kingfisher comes up empty.

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Rubio Kingfisher goes home empty handed.

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The Donkey Party has rendered me mute. But I sure wish I could stick a quill up the backside of a pay to play lioness!

Reid Porcupine

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I am back in the game!

Newt Cockatoo

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But what is his game?

Mr Fox

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We old media dogs have muzzled ourselves!

Old Media Dogs

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How ironic! 4th Estate liberal media censorship rivals Big Brother!

Mr. Fox

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Maybe we don’t deserve to exist!

Old Media Dogs

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The public is abandoning us old Media Dogs for flashy internet bloggers like him! Why?

Old Pelley Dog.

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Why? Because internet bloggers and trolls are the only ones telling the truth now!

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat 422

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Which is why you are banned from Twitter!

Mr Fox

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Free Milo!

Milo The Fabulously Flamboyant Cat

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Old Hippo Johnson is running for the Libertarians. I suggested he let his young daughter Pussy Cat run instead.

Mr Fox

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After a century swinging left the pendulum of history is swinging back to the center right. The wise will heed reality and adjust their tack accordingly.

Mr Fox
To be right of the extreme Regressive Left is to be returning to centrist sanity, moderation, and common sense. The SJW nutters are too extreme for even me to stomach anymore!

Grumpy King Parrot
The Regressive Left is single handed driving Alt Right Recruitment with their excesses and name calling and Big Brother censorship and Social Justice Warrior bullying.

Mr Fox.
The irony is that most of the Alt Right are disillusioned liberal Baby Boomers or repulsed Millennials.

Grumpy King Parrot
If they are a basket of deplorables then the Frankenstein creating this Alt Right monster is the Regressive Left and fanatic New World Order Social Justice Warriors! The young are abandoning the Establishment Parties to be Independents or Libertarians or Identitarians. This election could be a surprise.

Mr. Fox
The future will be a struggle between ideology and identity. Not the right or the left. I hope the young win! We Baby Boomers have been on the world’s stage for too long!

Grumpy King Parrot

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I hereby declare my candidacy to become the next American Animauxland President! I officially launch the new Libertarian Identitarian Party!  The sane alternative to failed excesses and has-beens of the past!

Pussy Cat Johnson

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I announce the Alternative Party’s manifesto! A return to sanity! Moderation! Common sense! Tradition! Tried & true Animaux values! Shared Animaux roots! Shared Animaux heritage! One nation! One identity! One home for us Animaux! A place where we belong and which belongs to us!

Pussy Cat

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But how to defeat Hillary Lioness? I will need allies!

Pussy Cat

345-fox-and-joe-rook
Let’s talk!

Joe Rook and Mr Fox
I am helping Joe Rook help Pussy Cat.

Mr Fox

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Joe Rook is wooing the young alienated Animaux who can’t find jobs to pay off their student loans. I will woo the alienated & unemployed blue collar workers abandoned by the Donkey Party.

Mr  Fox

473-the-forgotten-animaux-blue-collar-workers

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I will woo the alienated, abandoned, & unemployed Dumbo Voters.

Grumpy King Parrot

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Are we plotting a revolution?

Joe Rook.

365-fox-and-grump-y-king-parrot
Yes! I believe we are!

Grumpy King Parrot
We are overthrowing the Establishment Elite! That is a revolution I gladly embrace!

Mr Fox.

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